Fat Kid

Anyone who knows me will know, that sport in all of its many and varied forms, is a complete stranger to me. I have never watched a complete football match, or cricket, or rugby, or tennis or any major sporting event. I believe that this detestation of sports was engendered in me by hateful, bullying

The Last Drop

Abandoned by his father, mother Aunty, uncle, sister, brother All alone in cold dark cell Waiting for the morning bell And that short walk from cell to rope Trial over, forlorn hope Final meal, pie and mash No return for hidden stash The Judge said “Hang”, Yes, he had heard her That’s what comes of

Stitches

The last thing on Uncle John’s bucket list Was to have that lump cut from his wrist They did what was right, but the stiches weren’t tight Drained of blood, Johnie ceased to exist

Joy Ride

He’d only had the car a week The sort of car collectors seek Long and low and fast and sleek No dints or bumps or single squeak But then today whilst he was out His son gave his three mates a shout I’ve got the keys for dad’s new car He won’t know, we won’t

Skis

Marvin loved to practice skiing any time he could He’d much prefer to be on skis Than home and chopping wood His family owned a massive ranch Not his idea of fun All day, herding cattle Under baking sun His dream was the Olympics And on that indoor slope He became quite expert Gold medals

U. X. B.

He found an unexploded bomb Then quickly fetched a hammer He’d have the end off this thing quick Much faster than a spanner. He’d seen them dropping out of planes He’d seen the damage done He’d like to have a look inside He thought it might be fun. One more whack and he would soon

Bus trip

Remember those old fashioned buses You could jump on and off at the back Which was fine till Stan took a tumble Second bus made him part of its track Photo credit: Pinterest.com

Tooth Decay

Sergei is a vampire, his age, 400 years He had a raging toothache, reducing him to tears Appointment made for late at night And deffo after dark He’d fly in, yes, it’s only right There’d be no place to park Sergei turned into a bat Flew into town, took off his hat Read the mags

Slippers

When Christmas morning came around In Grandpa’s stocking could be found After Shave and nose hair clippers But best of all, Brand new slippers But those slippers were too big And caused Grandpa to do a jig Every time he’d walk about His feet would pop both in and out Even though his family teased

Blind Date

On his wrist a Submariner Rolex On his tie was a Cartier pin The epitome of style and of fashion A dandy without and within. His suit had been made by a tailor On that World famous street, Saville Row His monogrammed shirts were handcrafted At two or three hundred a throw. With all the