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Rockymodo The Musical

In the book ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Quasimodo is set to be punished by being whipped in front of the general public for … Blah blah etc read the book… Anyway, in my version, the Executioner or Whip Master General, does not relish his work anymore and sings this song to Quasimodo.

Executioner’s Song

Executioner:    I don’t really want to hurt you

Please understand it’s just my job

I would rather be dancing and singing

Than entertaining this filthy rotten mob

There are days when I wish I could be laying in a meadow

Listening to the buzzing of the Bees

Or walking through a wood

without this mask and hood

Listening to the birdies in the trees

Or sitting by a stream

Yes that would be a dream

If only all the other’s understood

(Sing slowly) That I would,

(Speed up)  Rather be a dancer, a poet, a romancer

Skipping hither thither to and fro

Treading the boards

Wearing flowery shirts and cords

An actor, a writer, a pro

I should like to change my name

Something arty, not too lame

Something with a bit of gravitas

Like Olivier or Burton

But something that for certain

Would raise me up above the heaving mass

A name suggesting tender

and one that they’ll remember

A name that would fill their hearts with pride

Something sort of newish

But probably not too Jewish

I still need to keep the Catholics on my side

When I’m downstairs in the dungeon

Beating beggars with my truncheon

Or stretching pocket pickers on the rack

I allow my mind to wander

And often I will ponder

As I’m giving some vile traitor a good whack

Is this my destiny

Is this all there is for me?

Could I set my life upon a different track?

I don’t want to be the baddie

Must I follow Gramps and Daddy

When I want to give the arty life a crack                                                                                


Meeting you has made my mind up

For acting classes I’ll be signed up

So thanks for helping me to realise

That beyond this job I’m hating

There’s a great big World that’s waiting

For me to grasp my hands around that prize

And in a moment, nay, a fraction

There’ll be lights and there’ll be action

I’ll expect at least a dozen curtain calls

(Slower) Once I’ve given you a whipping

These black togs I will be stripping

(Speed up) And grasping my new life by the balls 

Yes sir…

I’ll be grasping my new life by the…

My new life by the…

(Big finish) Grasping my new life by the balls

(The Executioner is joined here by a chorus of young men for a big dance routine finish with possibly Quasimodo joining in, whilst all repeating the line “His balls“)

(Executioner throws whip to floor and says to Rockymodo)

“Right that’s it, whip yourself, I’m off… No time like the present or dances off leaving Quasimodo to leave the scene slightly bemused


Published by crispinunderfelt

All round good egg. Humanist and red wine drinker.

3 thoughts on “Rockymodo The Musical

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