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Up North 2

This is another snippet from from a radio comedy probably never to be recorded! It is set in the ‘Nice Price’ supermarket and the conversation is between Ken Hopkins, who is the head of security at the store. He is speaking to Radovan, a former citizen of Monslavia, somewhere in Eastern Europe. Radovan fought in the civil war which ravaged his country. For some reason, the slightly naïve, Ken, never seems to grasp the significance of what Radovan is trying to tell him. Radovan always addresses Ken as ‘Commander’. Radovan also leaves little surprises around the store for unwary shoplifters.

Nice Price Store: interior: day

F/X:                                                     Generic supermarket sounds under dialogue

Ken:                                       Now, Radovan, seriously, I do need to have a little word with you about those traps that you keep leaving around the store.

Radovan:                           (Yawning) Yes, Commander.

Ken:                                       Are you alright, Radovan, having a tiring day lad?

Radovan:                           Tiring days, tiring nights, Commander.

Ken:                                       Are you not sleeping properly?

Radovan:                           No, Commander.  The nightmares never leave me.  I keep having terrible dreams about black rats.

Ken:                                       Black rats?

Radovan:                           Yes, Commander.  A friend of mine, who knows about such things, says that the rats represent my enemies.

Ken:                                       Oh really, and your friend knows about these things does he?

Radovan:                           Yes, Commander.  My friend Goran, he studied human psychology, err, you know, body language.  That is why when war came; he quickly rose to become chief interrogator.

Ken:                                       Ooh… You haven’t got his number have you?  It’s just that Mrs Hopkins has been having some rather disturbing dreams just lately (pause) about gerbils.


Published by crispinunderfelt

All round good egg. Humanist and red wine drinker.

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