The following is a very short section of script I had a hand in writing for a proposed radio comedy, set somewhere up north in England. This scene is set in the ‘Heaven’s Gates’ care home. Mary is one of the residents. Sorry about the formatting. I haven’t really got to grips with this blog stuff yet!
Interior: Care Home: Day
Mary: Julie, where’s Cath?
Julie: It’s her day off; she’s gone to the seaside.
Mary: I don’t like the seaside, Julie.
Julie: I thought you said you liked the sea-side
Mary: Oh no, it reminds me of my first honeymoon.
Julie: Ahh, Didn’t you have a nice time lovey?
Mary: Well, the first night started lovely. After diner, Bert suggested that we go for a midnight dip in the sea. He said he knew of a secluded spot. Oh Julie, it was smashing. We just took our clothes off, we didn’t care, the air was warm and so was the sea.
Julie: You went skinny dipping? Oh Mary! (Giggles)
Mary: I know. He swam over to me, pulled me close and held me tightly in his arms. It was just like one of those old films.
Julie: What? Like Burt Lancaster in ‘Here to Eternity’?
Mary: No, (beat) King Kong, (beat) he was very hairy. Anyway, we could hear running water, you know, like a waterfall. So Bert swam over for a look (beat) it turned out to be a sewage outlet pipe
Julie: Oh, Mary.
Mary: Aye, he swam right through it, didn’t he? Caught a terrible infection; dead within three days.
Julie: That’s awful Mary; do you still miss him?
Mary: Oh yes Julie. Even now I still think of him (beat) every time I hear a toilet flush.
A Badly Chewed Pencil 
I really did laugh out loud at this one. I could hear the whole conversation.
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Pleased to liked it.
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That should have said ‘YOU’ not to…. My eyes are getting bad…
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Ha Ha! Loved it.
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