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Up North

The following is a very short section of script I had a hand in writing for a proposed radio comedy, set somewhere up north in England. This scene is set in the ‘Heaven’s Gates’ care home. Mary is one of the residents. Sorry about the formatting. I haven’t really got to grips with this blog stuff yet!

Interior: Care Home: Day

Mary:                                   Julie, where’s Cath?

Julie:                                    It’s her day off; she’s gone to the seaside.

Mary:                                   I don’t like the seaside, Julie.

Julie:                                    I thought you said you liked the sea-side

Mary:                                   Oh no, it reminds me of my first honeymoon.

Julie:                                    Ahh, Didn’t you have a nice time lovey?

Mary:                                   Well, the first night started lovely. After diner, Bert suggested that we go for a midnight dip in the sea. He said he knew of a secluded spot.  Oh Julie, it was smashing.  We just took our clothes off, we didn’t care, the air was warm and so was the sea.

Julie:                                    You went skinny dipping? Oh Mary! (Giggles)

Mary:                                   I know.  He swam over to me, pulled me close and held me tightly in his arms.  It was just like one of those old films.

Julie:                                    What? Like Burt Lancaster in ‘Here to Eternity’?

Mary:                                   No, (beat) King Kong, (beat) he was very hairy.  Anyway, we could hear running water, you know, like a waterfall. So Bert swam over for a look (beat) it turned out to be a sewage outlet pipe

Julie:                                    Oh, Mary.

Mary:                                   Aye, he swam right through it, didn’t he?  Caught a terrible infection; dead within three days.

Julie:                                    That’s awful Mary; do you still miss him?

Mary:                                   Oh yes Julie.  Even now I still think of him (beat) every time I hear a toilet flush.


Published by crispinunderfelt

All round good egg. Humanist and red wine drinker.

4 thoughts on “Up North

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