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Tooth Decay

Sergei is a vampire, his age, 400 years

He had a raging toothache, reducing him to tears

Appointment made for late at night

And deffo after dark

He’d fly in, yes, it’s only right

There’d be no place to park

Sergei turned into a bat

Flew into town, took off his hat

Read the mags and had a chat

As in the waiting room he sat

The young nurse showed him where to sit

He eyed her up and down a bit

“I don’t know, see how I feel

She might make a tasty meal

For later when the pain is gone

She might be nice to chomp upon”

The Dentist checked both top and bottom

“Several of your teeth are rotten”

Brushing them three times a day

Might have kept decay at bay”

Sergei wasn’t listening though, he was in such pain

“You’ve got a gum infection

I’ll also need to drain”

“Your left and right Bicuspids are in a proper mess

A jab with this here needle will help relieve the stress”

Sergei hated needles, he fainted at the sight

The dentist carried on regardless late into the night

Sergei thanked the Dentist, the pain had been a curse

Outside again in darkened shadows waited for the nurse

The pain was gone a blessed relief

He saw her there, he licked his teeth

Then hypnotised and pounced upon

But hang on now, there’s something wrong

As he descended on her neck

There was no blood, nor single speck

The Dentist he had done his job

He’d filled the holes in Sergei’s gob

He’d filed his fangs, he’d drained his gums

How was he going to tell his chums?

They’d probably all just take the mick

Laugh out loud and give him stick

His life, he’d now have to retune it

Part-time job? Transfusion unit?

His friends all laughed at his bad luck

He was right…

They didn’t give a suck!

Photo credit: Pinterest


Published by crispinunderfelt

All round good egg. Humanist and red wine drinker.

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