This is a piece that I wrote with a book in mind. If that book were ever to be published, then the title would be ‘The Misfortunes of Others’…
They bought a tandem bicycle; it was something they could share
It got them out the house you see, into the country air
Suitably attired, with hats and gloves and clips
Feet fixed firm upon the peddles, hands upon the grips
Picnic basket on the back, sandwiches and flask
The Sun was bright, the breeze was mild, what more could these two ask?
15 miles away from home, muscles start to ache
20 miles away from home Sun begins to bake
They stop a while and drink the tea, old chap takes a nap
Sandwiches and crisps consumed, she consults the map
“I really don’t know where we are, I think we might be lost,
I think we should have done a right, where those two ‘B’ roads crossed”
Very soon the Sun goes down, the sky starts turning black
She thinks they should turn around and start to peddle back
He thinks they should still press on and find a B&B
But there was simply countryside, as far as she could see
“We’ve come too far to turn around, at least not at this juncture”
Another mile down the road the front tyre gets a puncture
Rain descending, night has fallen, chill wind fills the air
Phone forgotten, hedgerow bottom, sits our sodden pair
He can’t move, he’s racked with pain from his floating hernia
Farmer finds them both next morning, dead from Hypothermia…
A Badly Chewed Pencil 
As Bugs Bunny used to say, ‘I think I should have made that left turn at Albuquerque.”
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I’ve taken so many wrong turns in life, that I’ve actually ended up back to the beginning, but with less hair, less teeth, less common sense and the inability to aim straight whilst peeing. Hang on… That really was the beginning!
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Well, you sound like you may be a young fellow about my age which is about the same as Colin’s, who has mentioned you.
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Just slightly older than Colin and less prone to running… or any sort of physical activity that doesn’t involve walking to the fridge/pantry, looking inside, deciding that, even though that lump of cheese is well past its best, there’s nothing else, so it will have to do….
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